Remember Not to Speak or Ask

There were moments in this morning's TCC class practice that felt magical, mysterious, and filled with peace. What a comfort it is to join with a group of silent TCC practitioners as we meld into the Chi.

Today's group discussion was on Verse 73 of the Tao. Wayne Dyer calls this verse "Living in Heaven's Net" and Ursula LeGuin entitles it "Daring to Do." Dyer distills Lao-tzu's advice down to two key points, one of which is this: Be an active listener. He explains:

     Rather than attempting to control others by speaking frequently and loudly, allow yourself to become an active listener. Many of the answers you seek (and the results you expect) from others will surface if you can remember not to speak or even ask. Try living in accord with nature, which listening--rather than pushing, striving, or demanding--will help you do.

T'ai Chi Chih practice encourages us to listen at the same time that it teaches us to appreciate silence. I am a lucky person, indeed, to teach this practice which, at its core, is about allowing, receiving, and listening to the world around you. It is a unique experience to be in a class where silence is a primary goal.

That being said, we live in a culture where silence is often feared or avoided. It can be uncomfortable. I'm reminded of my blog from October 19, 2010 "Oh, it's nothing ..." which described Peter Bregman's recent blog for the Harvard Business Review called Not Enough Time? Try Doing Nothing. The comments that followed the blog were every bit as interesting as the blog itself.

Rosemary Cairns commented that she learned a strategy from another facilitator at a conference in Minneapolis. It revolved around how to gain awareness of how much you speak and how well you listen. That facilitator lived in the South Pacific and worked with groups there that had a different perspective on silence compared to people from North America. Her method, she said, developed from Quaker thinking and involved giving each person in the group three toothpicks. Each time you chose to speak you threw down one of the toothpicks. Once your toothpicks were gone you could no longer speak.

After some of the members of this group at the Minneapolis conference used up their toothpicks they became quite uneasy. Soon they got up and left the group. Others in the group never used up their toothpicks. However, said the South Pacific facilitator, in her culture the group waits until all toothpicks are used before they finish the workshop and they often find that the last contributions provide a solution to the issue they're addressing.

During this election season we have unending opportunities to listen to political candidates who speak fast as they try to convey their perspectives and policies in one minute time slots. What, Rosemary Cairns asked, does this do to our thinking as a society when we feel like we're participating in a race with no time to absorb information?

T'ai Chi Chih practice, like other meditative practices, allows us time to absorb, cleanse, and clear the mind-body. When we enter into this peaceful practice on a regular basis, we may be surprised to discover that, as Wayne Dyer writes: Many of the answers you seek (and the results you expect from others) will surface if you can remember not to speak or even ask.